When You Can't Trust Me
by Shipper Friendly
Summary: When Roger finds out Mimi is cheating on him, he doesn't talk to anyone. They both have to realize what life is like without each other for good, unless Roger can forgive and forget his broken trust. PREVIOUSLY CALLED CLOCKWORK.
1. Strange

**I'm listening to a bunch of the NYTW songs :D. I love Splatter and You'll Get Over It. **

**--**

The world doesn't work like a perfect clock, always going the way you want it. It, instead, works like a broken clock. Giving you false information and keep you second guessing to no end. Roger knew this more than anyone on that day. It was August 19th, to be exact, when he found out. But the strange things with Mimi started two weeks before.

_August 5th_

"Mimi, where are you going?" Angel asked as Mimi picked up her coat to leave the loft at high noon.

"Uhm...I took the afternoon shift." Mimi replied with her head down. She glanced at Roger and Mark before walking out, head still down. The door slid with a clash as Mimi shut it as she left.

"That was weird." Mark pointed out.

"How?" Roger continued to strum his guitar and tune it.

"She usually doesn't leave for afternoon shift until one-thirty....it's only twelve." Roger stopped strumming for a second, but quickly restarted. He ignored Mark's comment and Angel's hum of agreement.

_August 7th_

All of the bohemians were enjoying a nice lunch at a new cafe Angel found when Mimi abruptly got up and gathered her things. Everyone stopped their conversations and looked at her. Collins raised his eyebrows. Maureen, of course, was the first to speak.

"You're...leaving?"

"Sorry, I'm meeting a work friend for....lunch." Mimi crossed her arms over her chest uncomfortably.

"But we just had lunch, Mimi." Roger stood up, confused. "Why would you come out with us if you had lunch with a work friend? You could've told us and we would have stayed home or waited for you to leave." Everyone nodded and agreed with Roger.

"Erm, I forgot until now." Mimi quickly left, kissing Roger goodbye. He stood there, watching as she left.

_August 11th_

Roger and Mimi were snuggling on the couch, but Roger knew something was up with Mimi from when Mimi came in and tentatively lay down by his side.

"Mimi, what's up with you?" Roger turned to Mimi. She looked nervous.

"What are you talking about?"

"You keep leaving out of nowhere saying your going to meet a friend or go to work, even if it's an hour earlier than needed. You're acting nervous a lot and everyone thinks something is wrong with you. We haven't spent a lot of time together at all, either."

"Nothing is wrong, just work and stuff." Mimi got up.

"Is that where you're going now?" Roger asked.

"Yes." Mimi said, matter-of-factly.

--

Even between those events, Mimi had been acting strange. But on August 19, Roger saw for himself what was going on. He and Mark, tired of Mimi going off out of no where, followed her to "work". Instead of turning towards the Catscratch, Mimi walked the opposite way. They followed her as she kept on walking, though Roger's stomach sank the moment she turned the opposite way.

"Where is she _going_?" Mark whispered. Roger shrugged. Mimi opened a door to an apartment. Mark and Roger followed her quietly into a dark stairway up to a loft door that they didn't recognize. Mimi knocked.

"Is that you Mimi?" A man yelled from inside. She yelled 'Yes' and Roger's heart sank with his stomach.

"Great!" The man opened the door and Mimi stepped in. Mark and Roger didn't recognize him, but they didn't like him already. He greadily began to kiss Mimi, who laughed.

"Getting right into it!" She put his hand up his shirt and he laughed as he kissed down to her shoulder, slipping of the straps of her tank top. Mark glanced at Roger. The sight wasn't pretty. His eyes were wide and they glistened with unshed tears. He never cried in front of anyone, so that was expected. His lower lip was trembling slightly and he was shaking his head softly. Not being able to watch any more, Roger ran out of the building.

--

**Bad place to end, but I'm gonna go eat some pizza rolls. RnR please :D**


	2. Deceived

**Thanks for the positive feed back! CHAPTER TWO!**

**--**

Roger locked himself in his room right after he came home. He had run into the loft, tears barely contained, with Mark right after him. The loft was screaming in silence for over an hour. A knock came at the door at 12:45 am.

"Who is it?" Mark was startled at how loud his voice sounded.

"Mimi." Mark froze halfway to the door.

"Go away, Mimi. Now's not the time."

"Why?" She sounded like she didn't know what Mark was talking about, which he knew was a lie.

"He knows, Mimi." Footsteps indicated that Mimi went back to her loft to deal with her sorry self. Mark couldn't care less about her right now.

--

Roger slammed the door closed and collapsed onto his bed. He lay facing the ceiling and cried. Roger Davis cried for the first time in years. The tears came and came, never stopping. He didn't move. He didn't have to. For over an hour, Roger cried.

And then the knock came. It was so familiar, yet so deceiving. A knock ruined his life. Roger listened as Mark asked who it was. When Mimi answered, he didn't feel anger. He felt lied to and hurt.

"He knows, Mimi."

That's all Roger needed. It was real. He knew. The love of his disastrous life wasn't so lovable after all. She was a cheater, a liar. A deceiver.

--

The next day, Roger didn't leave his room. He wasn't hungry and didn't need the restroom. Angel and Collins came over first so see what had happened, for they knew about the plan to follow Mimi.

"What happened, Mark?" They both asked right away. Mark didn't bother to candy coat it.

"Mimi is cheating on Roger." Collins and Angel gasped. It wasn't just that she cheated on him, it was that she _is cheating _on him. So it wasn't some drunken mistake; Mimi must've known what she was doing. You don't continuely cheat on someone by mistake. It was also the fact that everyone knew they were in love. Just the way Mimi would talk about him or even just look at him, though it had stopped a few weeks back. But it was also understood. _That's _why Mimi was acting weird.

"Cheat_ing_?" Angel's hand flew to her mouth, astonished at her friend's behaviour.

"Yes...we saw her last night. We don't know who it was with though, just that it happened. Roger has been in his room since." They all looked toward his door. No sound came from it.

"Oh god." Collins barely spat out. It was silent for what felt like forever, but none of the three minded. Finally, Collins broke the silence.

"I'm going to kill Mimi Marquez."

--

Before they could stop him (not that they wanted to), Collins was decending the stairs to Mimi's apartment. He opened the door with much more force than needed.

"Uhm, hi Collins." Mimi smiled at him. How could she smile after cheating...on Roger no less!

"Don't you smile at me, you filthy cheater!" Angel jumped back and Mark gaped. They had never seen Collins so angry. "How _dare _you ever _cheat _on Roger!"

"I can explain!" Mimi stood up to face Collins.

"Oh no, you don't get to explain! You don't have an excuse for this! You betrayed him! The poor guy has been shut up in his room for HOURS and you're down here acting like everything is all fine and dandy! Well, you think you just cheated on Roger, but you've let down us too Mimi! I'm disgusted by you." Mimi looked like she had been smacked. With that, Collins walked out. Angel spat out a string of cuss words at Mimi and Mark just shook his head at her. Angel and Mark walked out to find Collins. Tonight was going to be hell.

--

**Please RnR! It really helps!**


	3. Fury

**Sorry I didn't update earlier! It wouldn't let me upload the document yesterday! Here it is!**

--

There wasn't any talk about Mimi for the next hour. Collins fumed silently on the couch while Angel comfortingly hugged him. Mark was just quiet, sitting by the table. The three could here the weak floor creaking as Roger paced in his room, letting all his anger out.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE ALL OF YOU!" He would scream into the darkness of his room. "I hate you, Mimi!"

Angel almost cried at the sadness in Roger's tone. They knew Roger never was quiet about his anger, but it had never got this far. It has always been a "Why me?" type of thing. He never took it out on the rest of his friends.

"I don't deserve this…I didn't do anything…" Roger choked up as Angel buried her head into Collins's shoulder. He responded by hugging her tightly. Mark put his head in his hands and shook with fury towards Mimi. No one could comfort _him _because, like always, he was on his own to deal with his own emotions. Nobody to confide in, not even his camera as a comfort. Roger's mattress squeaked under his weight and he fell silent.

The loft was completely quiet. All you could hear was the cars driving away in the distance. No one moved, no one said anything until the door opened up to show a scared looking Mimi.

"I'm sorry." She said in the smallest voice possible. Collins stood up, reluctantly letting go of Angel.

"Get out." He said with force. Mimi looked hurt and even more scared, and Mark could tell from his spot by the table that Collins was furious. Even Angel looked frightened.

"I think I should be able to talk with Roger."

"Do you think he wants to talk with you?" Collins tried to step closer to Mimi, but Angel got up quickly and stood in front of him.

"Maybe you should let her talk." Angel whispered.

"She doesn't deserve that!"

"Everyone deserves a chance to explain themselves. What kind of world would it be without any explanations?" Collins couldn't argue this and he sat down on the couch again, Angel following right behind.

"Thank you, Angel." The words barely made it out of Mimi's mouth.

"This isn't for you." Though it was a short sentence, it sent a pang of guilt and hurt through Mimi's chest. She hadn't just cheated on Roger, she had also broken the strong trust her friends had in her. And Angel had just solidified that for her. When Mimi looked over at Mark, she didn't like what she saw. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were watery, glasses a bit lopsided on his head. Mark just shook his head at Mimi and put his head back in his hands.

"Roger?" Mimi knocked on his bedroom door.

No answer.

"Roger, I want to talk to you." The door slid open. Mimi just barely saw Roger's face, but that was enough. Angel and Collins gasped.

"Oh my god. He looks terrible!" Collins whispered to Angel.

And he did. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were puffy. The ghosts of tears were visible on his face. Roger was breathing heavily with his jaw tightened.

"I hate you." The door slammed closed.

Mimi's heart sank into her stomach. She felt like she would throw up. The fact that she had actually _cheated on Roger _sank in deeply. The thought made her sick. With tears stinging in her eyes, she ran out of the loft.

Collins stared at the door long after she had left. Angel had lay her head back on Collins's shoulder and was shaking with sobs. Mark still hadn't moved. Nobody was taking this cheating deal lightly, and Mark wasn't sure if Roger would ever be the same. First, he loses April and finds out he has AIDS. Then not long after, the girl Roger put all his trust into goes off and cheats on him. Roger definitely was not ever going to be okay.

--

**I know I know I know…..short chapter….but I'm being kicked off…please let me know what you think!**


	4. Breakable

**Okay my internet is down, so I am writing this on Word….I usually write it on the fanfiction website (bad idea though because if you accidentally ex out of the window, you could lose a whole chapter…it's happened to me before…) YAY! I got the whole OBC CD at the library and put it in order on my Zune!! Now I can listen to it all the time instead of just on youtube! (If I already said this, forgive me…I'm just excited for some weird reason…!) This chapter is told from Mimi's POV...FYI!**

**--LINE BREAK INSERT HERE…I DON'T OWN RENT…YET...JKJK I NEVER WILL!--**

I was disgusted with myself. It's like I just realized what had happened over the past two weeks. I hid in my room, although I wasn't hiding from anyone. Even Angel refused to talk to me. Whenever I tried to apologize, I always caught a glimpse of Mark in the corner before Collins shut the door in my face.

I could always hear Mark, Collins, and Angel talking upstairs. Every once in a while, I could faintly hear Roger refuse coffee or a trip to the Life.

"I don't feel like eating right now, Collins." Roger would force out.

"Please, Roger. For me! Please? You have to eat. Even if it's that disgusting hot dog stuff you like." Collins would plead.

"No."

And that was that. No food for Roger, unless he had a midnight snack, which I often heard him getting in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. I've tried talking to him through the floor, but Mark hears me and tells me to please keep it down while he's editing his film. They wouldn't let me back in their lives, no matter how hard I tried.

After a week, I decided enough was enough and that I was going to explain myself to them. I was nervous though, and almost fell down the stairs with my shaking knees. I knocked softly on the door and heard the shuffling of someone's feet as they neared the door. It felt like hours before the door finally slid open loudly.

"Mimi. You sure are persistent. I'm not sure I should let you in or not." Mark was always so kind.

"Please. I really want to explain myself."

"You know I would say yes, but it's really not my decision. It's Roger's." I knew Mark would let me explain. He wasn't the stubborn type, so even if he said no at first he would cave. Collins and Roger on the other hand, not so much. "Wait for a few minutes."

"Roger." It broke my heart that Mark had to knock on the door a series of times before Roger emerged, looking similar to the way he looked a week ago.

"What?"

"Mimi wants to explain." Roger looked at the doorway, then me. His expression didn't change.

"Why?" He turned back to Mark.

"I don't know. Why don't you let her?"

"Maybe." He once again turned towards me. "You get one chance to explain. I swear to God, if it isn't good, you're gone."

"It will be, I swear!" Although I sounded sure, I was really devastated. He wasn't going to take my explanation and I knew it.

"Explain." Roger said in monotone. We stayed standing and my legs started to shake.

"Okay. So the guy you saw, he was my old dealer." I lied. "He said if I didn't…you know…that he would kill me and my friends. I-I couldn't let him hurt you guys." The lies were most likely noticeable. If Roger didn't catch them, I would be lucky.

"Bullshit. That's all a lie." Oh no. I was a goner. "Get out." He pointed to the door. I felt tears stinging my eyes.

"No! Let me really explain!" I cried as Roger pushed me out the door.

"You had your chance!" The tears ran down my face like needles, stinging my face in a way you have to feel to understand. When I was outside and the door was closed, I sat against it and cried harder. I cried for Roger, who was in more pain than I could imagine. I cried for all my friends who were devastated by this ugly event. I didn't cry for myself because I knew I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to be happy after this, and I sure as hell didn't deserve a pity party.

"Roger, I just wanna….let you know that….I'm really sorry. I wish I hadn't done it…it was the worst mistake of my life. I can understand if you-you never forgive me cos I could never forgive myself. I-I don't know why I did it…It's just if you can't forgive me, I might as well be dead. Because…you-you can't live without something to live for." I barely got out the end before breaking out into tears beside the door. I didn't move and I wasn't planning on it.

--

I didn't know I was sleeping until I woke up in the morning. My back hurt and I had a headache, but I remembered last night's events and didn't move. I heard talking in the room behind me, unmistakably Mark and Roger.

"-and she loves you! I heard what she said last night." Mark shouted.

"But what about me? Collins agrees that her actions were terrible. You don't know how it feels Mark." Roger said without thinking. Mark fell silent; he knew exactly how it felt. Although he knew Roger was in pain, I knew Mark was furious by the way he spoke next.

"Don't take it out on us because you can't accept the fact that someone actually wants your forgiveness." With that, he stomped towards the door. I quickly pretended to be asleep so Mark wouldn't think I was eavesdropping before he opened the door. I fell on his feet and he jumped a bit.

"Uh, hi Mimi?" He picked up my head. I lay limp to not give away my position. "Do you see this, Roger? Would anyone else sleep outside the door for you? No. Only Mimi. I call that dedication. You might call it stupidity, but I just think that's what's in your head." I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me. I very slightly opened my eyes to see Roger looking defeated. I opened my eyes fully and pretended I just woke up.

"Roger!" I turned on my stomach to face him. He stepped back.

"I think you need some rest on a normal bed, Mimi." Mark helped me up.

"No, I'm fine." I yawned. Roger looked irritated.

"Why do you have to keep coming back? Just leave me alone!"

"If I left you alone, you wouldn't realize how sorry I am!" I insisted. He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.

"That's what you think, Mimi. I think I realize how sorry you are, more importantly how sorry you aren't." Roger breathed deep.

"Fine. But I won't stop." I took small steps out of the loft and took my time doing down into my own, not wanting to face my failure. I wouldn't stop not because I wanted to keep going, but because I couldn't stop. I needed Roger just like Collins needs Angel. It's not action, it's love.

--

**This is my favorite chapter so far. I really love it! That's just me, tell me what ya think! Oh, and I'm thinking of changing the title and summary so I'll let you know when/if that happens….Ciao for now!**


	5. Thoughts

**Okay, so I'm SUPER sorry for how long this took, but for the past 5 days I was on vacation (SPRING BREAK!). No computers on vacations...except my mom's work iPhone that only worked in very few places...If you can see the Adam Pascal reference, you are awesome and get put on the list of awesome readers that hasn't yet been made, but you will be the first on it!  
**

**--**

After one week, Mark convinced Roger to at least go out to lunch with him and Collins. Even though he did it with great reluctance, Roger still went to the life. As they were going down the stairs, the small group passed Mimi's open door and saw her laying on the couch. Roger clenched his fists and Collins pushed him on. Mimi stared at them walking by.

--

At the Life, Mark and Collins were trying to convince Roger to talk to them. It wasn't going well.

"I don't want to talk, guys."

"Please, Roger. Just talk to us. Anything." Collins urged.

"You need to talk to us, Roge-" Mark began.

"Guys." Roger said loudly. Mark jumped. "Leave me a_lone_. You didn't want to talk to us when Maureen left, Mark. I didn't bother you. Why do you have to insist on making me talk? God, seriously! Leave me _alone!" _With that, Roger slid out of his chair and walked out of the now near quiet restaurant. Mark and Collins could only stare as their best friend once again walked away.

--

Mimi was sure Roger hated her. She ruined him. She could see the ice forming around his broken heart. Everytime Mark and Collins or even Angel tried to pick their way in there, he froze up. Mimi didn't ruin him, she ruined them.

Sometimes during the night, she would try to talk to Roger when she knew Mark wasn't working.

"I'm sorry, Roge. I really truly am."

She could only hope Roger heard.

--

Mark was caught in the middle of everything, being pulled on every side. Collins was telling him to get Roger out. He was telling himself to just talk to him. Angel was saying to let things work out. Roger didn't say anything, which was worst.

Sometimes during the night, Mark could hear Mimi try to talk to Roger when he wasn't working.

"I'm sorry, Roge. I really truly am."

It was painful how Roger would ignore it.

--

Collins was sick of Roger not talking to them. He would try and break something out of him, but the words never came. What ever happened to being a family? I guess Roger never told his immediate family anything, so he was shutting us out also. Collins couldn't help but think how he was holding it in. He knew if Angel cheated, he would be talking nonstop and moping all the time. But Roger had always been a self-pity kind of person. He never liked other people confronting him about his personal problems. Collins guessed that was how it would stay. But Mimi opened him up once, maybe she could do it again.

Sometimes, Collins could hear Mimi try to talk to Roger when she thought no one was awake.

"I'm sorry, Roger. I really truly am."

Mimi was the only one who could open up Roger. How come she had to go off and lock the door again?

--

Angel could understand why Roger closed up. She knew he wasn't the confessional kind of person, so he would never say exactly what was on his mind. Mimi, Angel knew from experience, hated not knowing about people she loved. So she tried to very discreetly open up Roger's outer shell and she succeeded for the most part. Mimi got Roger to talk about April and Angel really admired her for her ability. But when she goes off and does something like this, her ability can't be used.

Sometimes, Angel could hear Mimi try to talk to Roger when she was over at the loft with Collins.

"I'm sorry Roger. I really truly am."

When Angel hears this, she wonders if there is hope.

--

Roger didn't know what had gotten into him. He never thought he would ever yell at his friends. Something inside of him had blown up. As he sat on the foot of his bed, he thought of Mimi and April.

Would he be this mad if April had cheated? Probably.

Why would Mimi do this? Did she hate him?

It was quite painful to think about what Mimi was doing right now. Was she at that guy's loft again? Roger thought this was likely, but the thought of what she had done a week ago was burned into his mind. Would April sleep outside his door after she cheated on him? Would she have begged for forgiveness? Maybe, but April was never one to beg. She would wait for Roger to forgive her. But Mimi wasn't April. Could he ever forgive this terrible mistake?

Sometimes during the night, Roger could hear Mimi try to talk to him when Mark wasn't working.

"I'm sorry Roge. I really truly am."

Mimi really was nothing like April. Her voice echoed through his empty heart every waking moment, and effect April barely had on him.

--

**Eep....hope you like it. If you want to know the reference because you don't know it, I will post it next chapter or if you wanna know before then (if you are very impatient like me :D) PM me!! **


	6. Broken

**The reference was to one of Adam's songs; Book of Endings. "Ice was forming around her broken heart" I LOVE THAT SONG SO MUCH! This is another Mimi POV chapter!  
**

**--**

I saw Roger every once in a while when he was being dragged around by Collins or Mark. He always glared at me. It really made me feel worse than I already did. When I _do _go to sleep at night, it's always terrible. I have nightmares of losing everyone (which I already had) and dying alone. I really couldn't do that.

One day when I was scrounging around for food, a knock came at my door.

"It's open." I shouted. I was surprised how weak I sounded. The door slid loudly open and Mark's shaky voice filled my empty loft.

"It's Roger." Mark didn't explain any further, but I didn't need any more. I knocked over a glass in a hurry and it shattered on the tile below me. I barely heard it.

--

"He was just playing his guitar and he-he slipped off the table I guess cos next thing we know there's a loud thud and he's laying on the ground, bleeding!" Mark explained as we stood in front of the door. "I thought to come get you because I knew you still cared..." I nodded sadly. Mark opened the door to reveal Collins laying Roger on the couch.

"Why did you bring her here, Mark?" Collins said.

"Can't you tell she still cares..." Mark went on, but I wasn't listening. I walked over to the beat up couch where an unconscious Roger was laying. There was quickly reddening towel tied around his shoulder that I assumed was from the falling.

"Roger...I know I cheated on you...I'm super sorry...But he offered me a lot of money and I really needed it...I wasn't going to do it, but he said that he was going to pay me a LOT. I really needed the heat..." I explained. "I would be mad at me too. I _am _mad at me. I called up the guy and told him I quit. I can find other ways to make money instead of selling myself..." It was weird that I was telling Roger all this while he couldn't hear me. It wasn't doing me any good. But I needed to tell him and he wouldn't let me in any other time.

"Please wake up, Roger. I'll quit the drugs. I know how much you hate them. I'll do anything, really!" I put my head in his chest, as if it was going to save me. I noticed Collins and Mark had stopped talking.

"If that isn't devotion..." Mark whispered to Collins. "Tell me what is."

"Well..." Collins didn't have anything else to say.

"I really hope you can hear me, cos I'm not sure you'll let me explain any other time." I mumbled into his button up shirt. "Please be here."

--

I stayed the whole day. Roger stayed unconscious the whole day.

I tried singing to him.

"We all want something of ours. To make us the face that stands out from the crowd." I sang. "Do you remember writing that when you couldn't land a gig? You kept complaining to me about it..."

He didn't wake up, or even stir.

I tried cooking for him.

"I made you some cereal!" I almost spilled milk on his shirt. "Whoops." When he didn't wake up, I tried eating the stale Captain Crunch. I almost threw up when I realized the milk was sour. When I check the expiration date, it said it expired the eleventh of November...it was April now.

I tried just looking at him. I thought maybe he could sense I needed him and he would wake up. It didn't work. Collins and Mark watched my attempts at waking Roger. They didn't say anything or take any action.

"Don't you sleep all week, Roger..." I pretended like he was sleeping so I wouldn't have to think about him dying. It didn't really work because every time his breathing hitched, I got worried.

When it got colder that night, I put a hot towel on his head (a different, less bloody one) to keep him warm. I was sure the four thin blankets weren't warm enough for him. Plus, his head needed warmth also. I noticed a huge bruise that had formed on the side of his head. It was probably the reason why he was currently unconcious. I was careful to not touch it.

"Wake up, Roger." I whispered for the hundredth time. I hated seeing Roger so still.

"What should we do?" Collins asked Mark. It was the first time I had heard him spoken for a while.

"Nothing. Just let them be." Mark answered quietly.

"But-" Mark silenced him with a look. I didn't know Mark could ever do that, but I was grateful for it.

About 30 minutes after that exchange, I felt Roger move under my face. I had been laying next to him, my head nestled on his shoulder.

"Mark?" Roger croaked. His voice was raspy from no water. I mentally slapped myself for not thinking of that. Roger tried to sit up, but

"Roger!" I forgot that he hated me and I hugged him. He stared at me when I let go. It really scared me.

"Why are you here? I hate you." Tears filled my eyes. I had cared for him the whole day only to get an I hate you from him. Mark looked at me apologetically.

"Did..didn't...never mind..I'll-" I couldn't finish my sentence. I ran out of the loft before bursting out into tears. I didn't move once I stood in the hallway. I listened to the new conversation Mark had started.

"I cannot believe you! She cared for you all day-"

"What? I've been out all _day? _She was here?!" I heard Collins mumble a yes. It was silent until footsteps were heard. At first, I thought it was Collins coming out to tell me to go away. Then, I realized the steps were coming from the stairs. I ignored them and started to go to my room. Halfway down the stairs, I saw Angel coming up. She saw the tears in my eyes and I wondered what she was thinking.

"Mimi...chica, what happened?" Angel came up a step.

"Go ask them." I ran down the rest of the stairs and threw open my door. I slammed it shut and collapsed on the floor. I did the only thing I could do. I cried.

--

**Eek! See, I hope you didn't think Roger was gonna have amnesia...that, my friends, is taking the easy way out. I hate taking the easy way out :D. See you next chapter!**

**Liv  
**


	7. Truth

**I love Adam Pascal :D I've listened to his songs for the past 3 days and I LOVE it :D This is a ROGER POV chapter :D. Also, I have never been knock unconscious so I have no idea if you have a dream or not when you're under! Kind of Roger OOC I'm not sure...  
**

**--**

"Oh my god...how long was she here?" I rubbed my sore arm.

"All day. We watched her." Mark said. Collins had a blank look on his face.

"You just...watched her? Didn't tell her to leave?" I asked incredulously.

"I tried..." Collins put in weakly. I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe they let Mimi in to see me when I was UNCONSCIOUS. It's not like she would've hurt me, but...actually I didn't have a reason why she should'nt be there besides that I was furious with her.

"She still cares, Ro-" Mark began. I didn't let him finish.

"She obviously doesn't care enough if she sells herself to random guys!" I swung my legs over the edge of the springy couch. Mark opened his mouth, but he realized something. I saw it in his face.

"Wait, how did you know she was getting paid?" Mark asked.

"Uh...when I was unconscious...I don't know. Something explained it to me. I guess I'm confusing my dream for real life...never mind." I shook my head and covered my face with my hands.

"What else did you hear?" Collins inquired, now sounding interested.

"Uhm...I don't know, Collins. The thing said it was super sorry..."

"Keep going..." Mark encouraged eagerly.

"Said it would do anything. It said it would quit the drugs. I didn't know what that meant...well it said it was mad at itself...that's all I remember." I rubbed my forehead. "I don't really think it matters. It's just a dream."

"Roger. Can you really be _that _oblivious! Are you _serious_?" Mark groaned. "I give up. I really can't help you _anymore_. I have _tried _and _tried _to get you to see she's sorry. But it figures that you're not even willing to make it work." I stared at him. Was he being serious?

"I did try! Remember? I gave her a chance to explain! And she wasted it!"

"One chance, Roger, isn't enough. You should know that more than anyone." Silence fell upon us. Mark was referring to the time when I was going through withdrawal. I had gone back to the drugs many times, and Mark had never yelled at me. He just said that he wanted me to stop. He never shut me out. Collins had for a little, but he saw my pain and tried to help me. I realized just then that I had gotten more second chances than I have given.

"That's...different." I tried to make up something and failed. Mark put up his hands in surrender.

"Whatever you say, Rog." With that, he walked to his room and shut the door. Collins looked at me before getting out of his seat and shuffling to the loft's sliding door.

"I'm going to Angel's." He said with an urgency, as if he _had _to get out of there. I waved him off and sat on the couch, my shoulder and head now throbbing, and thought.

_You should know more than anyone._

I should. I should know to give people chances. But I couldn't trust anyone anymore. What if I gave Mimi a second chance and she went out and cheated again? I couldn't take that chance.

_Whatever you say, Rog._

It was my decision. Mark and Collins couldn't make me forgive or forget her. Angel couldn't force me to shut her out. It was my choice. And I was never good at making choices. My blood is proof of that.

_One chance, Roger, isn't enough._

Mark gave me more than one chance. I could be dead right now if it weren't for him. One chance _isn't _enough. But this isn't life or death, it's trust. Can I trust Mimi? I didn't know. I really didn't know.

_I can't help you anymore.  
_

If I was being so difficult that not even _Mark _could help me anymore, then maybe I should just talk to Mimi. Or maybe Mark was lying about Mimi being here. Collins might be in on it, too. Maybe Mimi just came to apologize for a minute and she just happened to be there when I woke up. It could've happened.

_Whatever you say, Rog._

I couldn't trust anyone. They could all be lying.

_Whatever you say, Rog._

The weight of decisions was on my shoulders and it could so easily flatten me. And for the first time in a while, I was really truly scared.

--

**What will happen? Only I know...hehehe  
Okay so my friend, Clare, needs reviews. She isn't getting any readers for her stories and is really bummed about it. Her penname is XoxoRENTgirl. Thanks!!!**

**LIV  
**


	8. Change

**Sorry! I know I haven't updated in a while...sorry! OMG DID YOU HEAR THAT IDINA MENZEL IS PREGNANT?!?! YeAHH! Okay, please keep in mind that I don't know how long withdrawl lasts or what-not.  
**_italics- roger_**  
**reg- mimi

**--**

_I can hear her whimpers downstairs. Her shaky cries for forgiveness. Sometimes I have to ask myself what kind of monster I am to not forgive her._

I can't bear to go to work anymore. I feel a crushing guilt. All those men staring at me...it's like I'm cheating all over again.

_Mimi doesn't know. She doesn't know how much I want to forgive her. I wish she did. I guess it's my choice, right? I wish it wasn't._

Roger doesn't know. He doesn't know how guilty I feel about this. I really wish he could forgive me. I wish it was my choice.

_Only Mark knows. He knows I want to forgive her. I don't know why I can't. It's like there's something keeping me from going down there and hugging her tight and forgiving her for everything I said to her. I have to fight it. I _will _fight it. I had to fight it. Because I don't think I can force down one more AZT pill knowing that she wants my forgiveness. I had to go down there._

I haven't shot up in a long time. It's gotten really hard. I was shaking and it was painful...but this time Roger wasn't here to comfort me. I was doing this _for _Roger. He had to know how sorry I was. I wanted him to be there with me, encouraging me to keep clean. All I could have from him is the footsteps and quiet voices telling me he hasn't yet given up.

_I love her too much to let her go._

I love him too much to let him slip away like this.

--

**RPOV**

I finally summoned up the strength to go down to Mimi's place. Mark was overly-excited about this. It really scared me.

"Roger! I'm so glad you got some sense knocked into you! I'm happy for you! I want to see it!" Mark exclaimed early Saturday morning.

"It isn't a TV show, Mark." I rolled my eyes. "It's no big deal, really." That wasn't really a lie. It wasn't a big deal. It was a HUGE deal. It was so important that it could make it on Buzzline if we were celebrities and not squatters on Avenue B.

"THIS IS A HUGE DEAL, ROG!" Mark almost yelled and his voice cracked on 'huge'. I stared it him like he just told me he was going to cook his head for dinner. He noticed. "Okay, that was a little over the top..."

"Yeah, just a bit." I nodded.

"Does Collins know?" Mark poured himself some soon-to-be expired milk. I shook my head.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Mark set down his glass.

"I haven't seen him since the other day when I fell."

"Oh. He'll be excited." We heard a door rattle open. "Speak of the devil! And his Angel!"

Sure enough, Angel and Collins were standing there. I realized how long it had been since I had seen Angel.

"Hi, guys! Roger has some good news he REALLY wants to tell you." Mark shouted before I could mutter a 'hi'. Angel and Collins turned their heads in my direction, eyebrows raised. I swear, it's like they plan their moves. They are so in sync.

"Okay, I'm gonna talk to Mimi." I casually tried to slip behind the perfect couple and out the door, but was stopped by being almost choked to death by a certain professor who decided grabbing my collar was the best way to get me to stop. It really wasn't.

"WHOA whoa whoa! You talkin' to Mimi?" Collins cocked one eyebrow.

"Oh yeah...just gonna...you know..." I didn't dare move. Collins still had a tight grip on the collar of my shirt. The brown cloth was dangerously tight around my neck.

"Finally!" Collins exclaimed. I let out a sigh of relief as he let go of my shirt.

"Hey, you were telling me to forget her less than a month ago!" I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Yeah, but then I saw her carin' for you when you hit you're head...it kinda changed my mind..." Collins explained. Angel nodded.

"Me too...Collins told me." Of course. Not that it was bad, just expected that Collins would tell Angel. They are like attached at the hip.

"Oh." It was awkwardly silent. I quietly slipped out of the loft before any more questions were asked.

I took my time going down the stairs. I replayed the speech I had rehearsed last night over in my head. My hands shook with nerves and I almost fell down the stairs because my legs were also spazzing out. Before I knew it, I was in front of Mimi's door. Although I was ready for this, I felt that pessimestic voice in my head tell me that she will kick me out. She couldn't say no, right? She was begging for forgiveness...right?

I raised a shaky hand to the door and knocked three times very slowly.

"Door's open." Mimi shouted. She quietly mumbled,"It always is..."

_It's now or never, Roger. This is _your _life._

_--_

**I know it's short, but I wanted to a) lighten up the story a little because I've never written a drama before and I thought it could use a little fun and b) because I wanted to add suspense (not too much but OH WELL!)!!!! What will Roger say? Hmmmm...FIND OUT NEXT!**


	9. Forgive

**So sorry if there were some typos last chapter. I was typing on the fanfiction site and I forgot to spell check it. It doesn't have the little red swiggle like it does on Word or on other firefox things…never mind…lol…OH NO okay so Kutner DIED on House!! GAHH!**

**--**

I opened the door as slowly as I could. I took in a deep breath.

"Mimi, it's me. It's Roger." Mimi looked up at me from her couch and gasped. She got up and slowly walked towards me. I didn't dare move. I noticed her blood-shot eyes held back tears. There were already tear marks down her face, so I knew she had been crying anyways.

"Roger." Mimi, who had stopped half-way, quickly made her way towards where I was standing. She wrapped her arms around my neck and put her face in my shirt.

"Roger." She cried. "I am so sorry. I'm so sorry...Please forgive me…I am so sorry…" Mimi repeated into my neck. Her breath was warm on my skin. I responded my embracing her also.

"It's okay." I felt so sorry for her just then. She looked worse than I ever had when April died. I couldn't just push her away. Even to give my well rehearsed speech.

"No it's not…I could hear you, Roger. I'm so sorry…you must hate me." She let go of me and sniffled.

"I came to forgive you." I said nervously. She smiled. It looked like it hurt her, as though she hadn't smiled in a long time. "I know that you needed the money…but Mimi, you could've just asked. I could've tried to help…like get a job or something…"

"I was going to, but I was scared. I thought you would get mad…"

"I wouldn't. I promise. I know you really regret it…but were you thinking at all when you were…at _his _house?" My voice shook a little.

"I did. I swear I felt bad the whole time. I just knew we needed the money…but I really do love you, Roger. I was there the whole time when you fell…when you said you hated me I was so devastated…"

"I'm so sorry Mimi…but just talk to me next time." I looked at her face, her sad sad face, and I wondered how a girl like her ever even thought of hurting a man, any man.

"I will. I promise. Please, just don't leave me…" She sounded so innocent. I gathered her in my arms as she cried her forgiveness into my chest. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mimi." I buried my face into her hair.

Any other girl would be angry at me for not forgiving them. Any other girl would go off and sleep with the same guy after we broke up. Mimi isn't any other girl. She waited for me to forgive her. She didn't even go to work, at least that's what Mark said. Mimi is amazing. How did I ever end up with someone as amazing as her?

--

MIMI POV

When I heard the door knock, I wished more than anything for it to be Roger. I tried not to get my hopes up too much.

"It's open. It always is…"

I heard the door open too slowly for my liking. I hoped it wasn't a murderer, although that's not unheard of in this part of town.

"Mimi, it's me. It's Roger." I looked up. I couldn't believe it. I slowly approached him, as if he may not be real. I could be hallucinating…

"Roger." I realized, when he blinked, that he was real. It was Roger. The Roger I hadn't seen in a while. A real, normal Roger. I quickly ran up to him and hugged him before he could get away.

"Roger." I sobbed. "I am so sorry. I'm so sorry...Please forgive me…I am so sorry…" I repeated into his neck. His real, warm neck. I felt his arms embrace me. I almost laughed. I just felt so happy.

"It's okay." I knew it wasn't okay. I knew everything that had happened was my fault. It really was.

"No it's not…I could hear you, Roger. I'm so sorry…you must hate me." I reluctantly pulled away from Roger's warmth and sniffled. He looked really sympathetic and I thought of how horrible I was.

"I came to forgive you." Roger said, sounding pretty nervous. I smiled, or at least tried to. I hadn't smiled in quite a while and it almost was too much an effort to smile once again. "I know that you needed the money…but Mimi, you could've just asked. I could've tried to help…like get a job or something…"

"I was going to, but I was scared. I thought you would get mad…" It was true. I was deathly afraid he would get mad at me for maybe forcing him into a job. I didn't want that to happen, but I realize now that this is much worse. My reason seems so weak now.

"I wouldn't. I promise. I know you really regret it…but were you thinking at all when you were…at _his _house?" I could hear the waver in his voice, the pain.

"I did. I swear. I felt bad the whole time. I just knew we needed the money…but I really do love you, Roger. I was there the whole time when you fell…when you said you hated me I was so devastated…" Again, it was true. I couldn't stop feeling so guilty during the time it was happening. It seemed like the world was waiting for me to notice they knew what I was doing. Like I was their experiment to see what a girl without any money would do when she gets a chance to make money. And I fell into their trap.

"I'm so sorry Mimi…but just talk to me next time." I looked into Roger's sad, broken face. I couldn't believe I had plastered that look on him.

"I will. I promise. Please, just don't leave me…" That was my true terror. I couldn't die without knowing he loved me. He hugged my tight. I had to let him know how I felt. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mimi." When he dug his face into my hair, I knew that we were okay. I hadn't felt happier in months. A warm feeling spread through my body, filling me with comfort and joy. He loved me.

--

**I know, again, another short chapter…I really didn't know what else to do…god I feel so bad…I wanted to have a long chapter. OKAY next chapter WILL be at least 4 FULL pages. Or you can send me all sorts of hate mail. I hope I did this scene right!!**


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